GREY AREAS.

” It is a shame that I do it for fame, It is a shame that it is but a game. I have been adorned by all forms of precious metal but no word from you yet. I have been adorned by all forms of earthly praise, but none from you yet. My belly is fat and my slumber lengthy but I still worry.....but I am still empty.”

It is socially unacceptable, in most Christian circles, to hold an opinion on these grey areas especially if you have been told ' IT IS WRONG!' all your life. But frankly being Kenyan and an 8-4-4 child, breathing is wrong. Why don't we ever jump in that fountain at Westgate? Why don't we climb the elephants at Nakumatt and take pictures? Why can't you just break into a dance in the middle of Nairobi streets, besides the fact that you might be mugged 5 ways from Sunday? Why is it wrong to have a pet chicken.....ok this last question may not be appropriate or have anything to do with what we are talking about but my point here is, have we not be bred to be robots who chant ' I am Kavosa! I want to be a Lawyer! Music, fashion and acting careers are for people with no future! I cannot laugh, giggle or show affection in public! If I do not go to church each Sunday, my Mother's friends will Gossip about her!' Grey areas my friend....we are getting there.

Social ethics are what drives many believers, me included. From the way we dress, what career paths we choose, how we make our parents look to the neighbours and their friends, who we date, lest you date that guy with the funny looking dreads from down the street whose always having parties, all these things play a big part in defining what we consider morally correct. I have to have certain friends who don't drink, hang out with them all the time so guys can be like eh I've chanukad. Although I still drink once in a while but I don't get high which is what is wrong. Besides the Bible in Proverbs says avoid alcohol...AVOID......not DO NOT DRINK....so I'm okay. Plus when I'm high I know myself, so I can get high if I want. I even smoke weed and I'm chilled. One thing I know I can never do is have sex when I'm in that state. NEVER! I'm not that crazy. Anyway, I love Jesus and He's the only one who can judge me.....but these guys for church can't know I drink.

The thing is, you can't say it like it is especially when everyone is snooping, consulting, gossiping, judging your behavioural temperaments to figure out whether your worthy or whether it is more convenient for them to bring to the surface your hypocrisies and indiscretions because these are not your friends your are speaking to. Noooo. They are not your family, loved ones, blood. They are sinners just like you with secrets of their own which they are not willing to share and you talking about these 'grey areas' is a threat to their social standing. At this moment anyone within an earshot of your message (about drugs, alcohol, sex...especially sex...) is a foe with a hoe ready at hand to dig deep in the ground a place for you to be buried. You and your 'grey areas.' And when it is all said and done, they'll be like " Heeeyyyy...you dug your own grave son. You know we don't like to talk about those things in these parts."(said in a southern accent)

You see as young people, our worlds are set so far apart from God at times its even depressing. These so called 'activities' we are engaging in, why are we doing them? Is it that we want to fit in? As a newly saved Christian, I find myself getting over enthusiastic about being down for whatever plan that involves Church and the like and I wonder if I am doing it for the glory of God or for my own Satisfaction.

Romans 11:36- 'Everything Comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power and everything is for His glory.' 

God put us on this earth for His pleasure. I know it sounds selfish but kindly ask yourself, He has given you life, love, hope, joy everything that you own, it is because God has made it possible and all He asks is for you to love Him, to trust Him, to talk to Him, to get to know Him, to obey Him...basically have a relationship with Him. Is that still selfish? How about the fact that each time you fall short, instead of Him stripping you of the life you have, He gives you time to repent and always forgives when you ask...always! How many times will you forgive a friend who steals your money or hits on your girlfriend or boyfriend. By the way, I find it HAAAARD to forgive friends who betray me. There are a few who can testify as to being collateral damage and I need to find them and forgive them because I have been forgiven myself. Call me if I am talking about you!

The reason I brought up grey areas is because we get lost in this seeking Christ agenda and think that if we stop smoking, drinking, having sex e.t.c God will love us more and we will be better than all the sinners we left behind and now we are automatically going to heaven. Then to make it worse, we do not talk about our struggles. Mostly because the people in the Church can be so unforgiving.....so unforgiving. We sit and proclaim at the top of our voices that God is faithful and He has delivered us from sin yet we haven't let him in yet. That mango that looks so amazing from the outside but inside is just rotten. 

Source: http://inspiringpretty.com/2012/09/17/inspirational-quotes-on-god/ 

 

Why are we not asking God what is necessary for us to grow as Christians as opposed to conforming to social norms? How are we glorifying God by denying him the opportunity to help us understand what He really wants for us? Did you know salvation is Christ seeking you not the other way around? 

There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more. His love is enough. You and the prostitute, drunkard, man who sexually abused a child, even the MPigs......He loves us all the same. All He is asking of you is to get down on your knees and praise Him, call Him Father and acknowledge His love through the sacrifice He made by sending His Son to die for us.

Somewhere in Ephesians  if I'm  not wrong, God says..."It is in your weakness that my power is made perfect." To be saved isn't "hey......look at us...the strong ones....flex...flex......we are resilient!We are tough!I don't sin......watchutalkinabout!" Be sure!!This corner right here....I think the devil enjoys when we don't talk about our sins amongst Christians. He wants it to drown you to the point you're screaming on the inside but no one can hear. No one wants to talk about the grey areas. Eventually you crush and burn. Coincidentally the most common sin amongst us is sexual imorality and we don't talk about it. You just see a baby then everyone is like 'hmmmmmm.......cheki huyo dame!'

This is why I chose to call this long lecture grey areas. Because our lives are characterised by us trying so hard to do what we consider the right thing by seeking the Light so to speak, that is Jesus but our minds are clouded by the darkness of this world and our own pride. Grey: a colour that is produced by mixing black and white paint.

Kavosa Assava

OBSESSED ABOUT THE FUTURE

"In the past I had chastised my spirit. Now it is in a worn and torn form like it got hit by the bomb called life and it is clear that this weapon is nuclear and when I peer into my future like a naive deer crossing the road, not expecting to be steered off life's course by an unconscious human behind the steer who happens to be in too much of a rush to peer into the oncoming traffic, cross cutting traffic such as the deer; I realize that I know nothing."

     I believe I spend too much time thinking about my future. Many of us do really. I do it because I would like to think there is a better life ahead of me. One filled with joy and abundant luxuries. The number of times I have dreamed of what my house will look like! Picket fence outlining a yard covered by the greenest grass this side of the Indian ocean. Two or three white dogs, I don't care what breed. I just want them to be so white when you look at them, you feel like taking a shower. A tall dark and handsome man mowing the lawn. That's my husband. He used to be a rugby player before starting his own company. What kind of business is he running? I don't know but he is RICH! Legal money of course and I get to buy all the shoes his fortune can afford. I could just die:):):) He works so hard and he is so prrrreeeeeeettttty....sigh. My kids will have amazing hair and all the neighbors kids will want to play with them because they are so preettttty.

     Enough of the rambling. I know women like to pretend they are down to earth and wouldn't mind a struggling man and average looking kids you know. As long as you're happy and love each other blahblahblah..... Which is true, we shall all have to settle because unfortunately your life has already been planned and the dreams you want to come true are probably not what you need and will remain just that, dreams! This however, does not mean it's time to become a cynic because life sucks and my husband is broke. Look at him....'even his breathing pisses me off..mmh!'

     That is how most of us become. Because we have created such high expectations for our lives, we get lost in the awesomeness of it all and forget that the determining factors of what your life will be like is based on what you do in the present to actualize that future. We get sucked into this lifestyle of, 'there are no good men,' because 'good' in this instance means he can afford to take me to dinner every other day and still pay the bills. Men do it as well...talking about how it is so hard to find a good woman nowadays. They are just gold diggers, want to use you and they can't even cook!

     To be honest, I get confused with the gold digger argument. Most men my age still depend on their parents so I do not think you are anywhere near the "gold diggers'" radar. She is out there confusing some unsuspecting thirty-something year old man with his own house and car. However, if your parents are gracious with their fortune, you should bear in mind that women will look at you differently. A humble life is much more fulfilling I can assure you and if you have to tone down on how accessible things are for you, do it.

 

Proverbs 14: 20 'No one likes the poor, not even their neighbours, but the rich have many friends.'

To identify who are your real friends, do normal things like jav once in a while, don't pay the full bill,give to charity or even try save that money. How is this safe guarding your future? It helps you avoid disappointment that can affect your future relationships.  Without you even knowing it, you will begin distrusting everyone.

We are human and sooner or later we get tired of being taken advantage of. We develop insecurities in our friendships. I know guys don't like the word 'insecure' but truth be told, all of us are insecure about many things. These insecurities can lead to making emotional decisions which at times become counterproductive. For instance dropping current friends and moving from one clique to another trying to figure out who you are likely to identify with better, which group of people are likely to be honest with you and not try reap what they can sow, so to speak, from the friendship. 

This goes back to what I was talking about, the future. Who you are now has a direct link to what you will be like. Make sure the decisions you make today do not come and haunt you in the future. We need to be careful we are not piling up rubble of unwanted consequences which will soon come tumbling down on us and we'll be looking for those 'fake' friends to come to our rescue and they'll be gone.

Source: http://inspiringpretty.com/2012/09/17/inspirational-quotes-on-god/

Society has become shallow and materialistic. Men only want riches because women only want men with riches or so it appears.We pick our close friends based on how they were brought up and how much money they have, forgetting that friendships should be based on love. We think if we hang out with people who talk about how much wealth they will have in the years to come, somehow that wealth will multiply itself into our bank accounts and alas.....like magic we will all live the same lifestyle, date the same people and have all the things money can buy.

Just to clarify, God already has a plan for you. It's only a matter of time you sat and you heard it. If you think you can fight hard enough to avoid doing His will because it does not fit into what you consider your lifestyle, be sure. He has never and is not about to lose a fight. He won already and if you want to win as well, seek to fulfil His will. 

I may never marry that hot man nor afford to buy shampoo for three white dogs because it isn't in God's plan. My husband might be a struggler....sufferer with an arra-erro accent and not a very small forehead. Combine his forehead and mine, you get a kavosalet who might have problems making friends in school because the world is mean and people with giant foreheads are not easily accepted.

So we all need to stop fantasizing about the future and start praying that God guides us each day to work hard in whatever we are doing at this moment. Have a plan, for sure but don't let this plan take over your life that you forget to enjoy the present. He tells us not to worry but to put all our wishes before Him through prayer and whatever we ask for, we shall receive. I know you're thinking, 'But now if I want to be Rich?!' It is as confusing to me as it is to you and I am not going to attempt to understand what God meant.

 However, this is what I think. All these earthly possession we seek, be it power, wealth, human affection, they are all for the sake of being happy. Everyone wants to be happy. It is the one thing we all have in common and you know what's even better than happiness? Joy. Do you know who gives you joy? Read Galatians 5:22. 

Kavosa Assava

There is someone in the Darkness

In darkness you come to me like no other light I have ever had the privilege of setting my sights on, and I am then happy..no, happiness does not definitively describe what my inner most intimate feels, not what my heart can formulate consonants whose meaning travel to my windpipe and out I breathe the words I so desperately want you to hear.

You are a being so complete with flaws whose sores are masked by earthly beauties that my pride curtsies at their perfect nature. And I am more than gracious to welcome you into my spacious dome dedicated to meticulated worship of the ground you walk on through words I find so hard articulated but cannot help myself, stop myself, restrain myself.

I have had the rumor, the whispers, the stories people tell. Tales of this being who not so rudely barges into your private dwelling and dishevels all your belongings.Who are you master of the darkness, spirit dweller, light bearer? I did not invite you in nor kick you out. Yet you make me sin without a doubt. I did not wish for your existence nor cast you away. Instead I bowed at your eminence

Kavosa Assava

Correction and Descipline

A bad choice is like a dizzy spell,
Keeps you going round and round in circles,
The path remains the same,
The road just maps out steps already taken,
.....retracing not tracing,
This is not a new pursuit,
This is not a new stride
But a tracking device,
Another has been here,
Therefore you are but a follower
You are no leader....
The unfortunate thing is if who you follow is yourself,
You have learned nothing...I'm afraid....nothing

The River that flows

The horses had been ridden,
The wars had been fought,
The lands had been conquered,
By the time we got there.


The cows had been milked,
The chicken had been slaughtered,
So before us is a banquet,
Of mouth watering opportunities,
That salivate my drive to extremities,
That touch skies beyond my limits,
And I learn the worth of just a minute.

Some just like to watch,
A bearded man chose purity,
No wine, No concubine,
Unlike the swine,
Who found it fine,
To just watch,
Horses being ridden,
Wars being fought,
Lands being conquered.


He has nothing to call his own,
So insecure,
Deflecting faults off himself,
So I can feel bad about being myself,
Daring to dream he knows not how,
So for those who can,
To put down he so knows how.


What good is a man with no ambition,
What good is a man who flows with the river,
Instead of being the river that flows.

Kavosa Assava

Letters to Myself... "Politically Concious"

My black nails,
Sing of wails that fail,
Because of an attachment,
So unattractive,
That fills me with pain,
In my blood vessels that pump with strain,
That burgundy liquid through scarlet flesh,
Through to my limp heart,
That fills with that pain,
From black nails,
That sing wails that fail.

Innocent foetus I have been,
But saved I have been,
For some it is not the same,
For some,
It is innocent foetus that has not been,
Aborted clear of the world,
I have breathed life,
An air of filth,
But I have breathed life,
I have been blessed to see love of a mother so destroyed,
But I have seen love,
With their slings they sting,
My spine whose strength I walk,
Through hills and valleys,
On land,
In the sea,
In space,
In my dreams,
My spine that enables me to bring,
The pennies of my sweaty brow,
The pennies of my swollen feet,
The pennies of my broken heart.

For longer than you and I know,
They have held the arrow and bow,
From their black nails like mine, they crow,
Like white masters that left so long ago,
We grieve over unfruitful seeds we sew,
That have been stolen right in front of our door,
And the thief has hands that are sore,
Possessed by greed and absent of compassion,
They threw it away and it landed on the floor,
Right in front of our door.

Do you love me now?
I am neither rich nor poor,
I am nothing in need of a cure,
Do you love me now?

Kavosa Assava

Letters to Myself....To be who I am To who Iam Not.

If I could fit at the top of a mountain line,
I would seat and watch the world intertwine,
As people whined and sighed over life's unforgiving signs,
I would seat and watch as they intertwined,
As people burst in the confusion and twirled in inconclusive illusions,
I would seat and watch as they intertwined.
I wish so desperately for seconds in a day to be alone,
To remind myself of what I am in my soul,
For confinement in my mind rediscovering that person sole....LY,
Never letting go of what I have been told,
To chew and swallow all that the world throws,
Whether hot or cold.
Because around all these demons,
You forget your cute little ribbons
of innocence, that transform into little horns,
Of deceit,
Numerous characters of you you have built,
To paint little mirages of deceit,
Numerous tongues you have slipped,
Little words of deceit,
To deceive the demons,
But you only deceive yourself.
You are who you are when alone,
Unbathed by flowery scented oils that mask your odour,
Untouched by airs beyond your vacuum that blow away your delicate leaves,
So if I could seat at the top of a mountain line,
I would sing with the birds,
Breath with the trees,
Fly with the clouds,
For we would be who we really are.

Kavosa Assava